Relationship OCD Test: Do I Have ROCD?

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder in which people experience intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that center on their relationships—often a relationship with a romantic partner. 

Virtually everyone has experienced worries, doubts and fears about a relationship at one time or another, but for people with ROCD, the thoughts are relentless. These thoughts, which are known as obsessions, can be about anything: “Does my partner really love me?”… “Will this relationship last?”… “Is there someone better out there for me?”… When the distress caused by these obsessions arises, OCD sufferers engage in repetitive behaviors to attempt to get some relief—like repeatedly asking for reassurance that all is well. That’s the compulsive part of OCD.

Concerned you have ROCD? Nobody can diagnose you except a mental health professional, but we have a quiz to help determine whether you’re showing signs of the condition.

Relationship OCD Quiz

Below you’ll find a list of 18 statements. Answer yes to those that you relate with the majority of the time and keep track of your number of yeses. The quiz should take no more than a few minutes.

Before you begin, it’s very important to know this is only a screening tool to help you understand if being evaluated for ROCD could benefit you. It isn’t a replacement for a proper medical diagnosis, notes Tracie Zinman-Ibrahim, LMFT, CST, a therapist at NOCD: The quiz “is  a high-level overview of symptoms that may or may not be signs of ROCD.”

1. I frequently obsess over doubts and concerns related to my relationship or partner (i.e.. “Will we be together forever?”, “Am I good enough for my partner?”, “Is there a better partner out there for me?”, “Could I cheat on my partner?”).
2. I repeatedly ask my partner or other people for reassurance about the future of the relationship.
3. I feel the need to peruse online forums, take online quizzes, or do other types of research to try to find certainty about my relationship.
4. I often monitor, “check”, or analyze my feelings and attraction towards my partner.
5. I spend a lot of time overthinking when it comes to my partner or relationship.
6. I get preoccupied with aspects of my partner that I don’t like.
7. I spend a lot of time comparing my relationship to past relationships, others’ relationships, or fictional relationships.
8. I experience intense fear when it comes to relationship milestones as they trigger a fear that I’ve made a mistake in choosing a partner or there’s something else “wrong” with the relationship.
9. I engaged in certain behaviors (like flirting with others) to “test” my partner’s reaction.
10. I browse online dating sites or look at other people in public to “test” whether I am more attracted to someone else. 
11. I often feel a need to confess to my partner about anything that might make them not want to be with me.
12. I’ve ended relationships due to doubts that weren’t based on anything real.
13. If I’m attracted to someone who’s not my partner, I worry about what that means about my relationship.
14. I obsess over mistakes I’ve made in my relationship, even if they were unintentional or my partner has forgiven them.
15. I often compare my partner to other people I find attractive.
16. When I enjoy being alone or with others, I worry that it’s a sign that I shouldn’t be with my partner.
17. I’ve become preoccupied with the possibility my partner might cheat on me, even if there’s no reason to believe they would.
18. My unwanted thoughts about my relationship are interfering with my personal life or work life.

Results of your ROCD quiz

It’s worth reiterating that an online test can’t give you a true diagnosis for OCD, and this isn’t an exhaustive list of OCD symptoms. That said, if you found yourself answering yes to many—or even the majority—of these statements, that’s a good indication that you may want to see a professional who can screen you for the symptoms of ROCD. 

But even if you’ve answered yes to only one statement and you have a hunch that ROCD could be at play, don’t ignore it. “If you’re asking the question, there’s a good chance that it’s worth your time to go talk to someone,” says Mia Nuñez, PhD, Regional Clinical Director for NOCD.

Is it ROCD if I’m frequently anxious about my relationship? 

Not necessarily. While relationship anxiety and ROCD both revolve around uncertainty and distress within the context of a relationship, they’re different. Also worth noting: Relationship anxiety or distress is a key part of ROCD, but it’s absolutely possible to have relationship anxiety without having ROCD.

The most important distinction between normal relationship doubts and ROCD is that your anxieties don’t go away with ROCD—say, when your partner reassures you that they love you. When you keep returning to the same relationship concerns over and over again, and the thoughts become so intrusive that they cause significant distress, that’s a sign that ROCD could be at play. Likewise, your obsessions don’t end there — you also engage in compulsions to get some relief from the obsessions. 

There may also be a question of whether your anxiety is a sign of ROCD or just being in the wrong relationship. An unhealthy relationship can cause someone without OCD to resort to behaviors that may look like OCD, such as doing a lot of research on whether their relationship is normal. But there’s usually an underlying cause—versus one that’s in your mind. Here are some examples:

• You don’t spend much time together, without a clear reason.
• Criticism runs rampant.
• Boundaries aren’t respected.
• You don’t see eye-to-eye on important things.
• The relationship feels lopsided, with one person showing up a lot more than the other.
• There’s actual violence, neglect, manipulation, or abuse. 

What does a relationship with OCD feel like?

ROCD is different for everyone, but there are some feelings that are fairly common. “Some people with ROCD say they feel like their ‘brain has broken,’ and they just want to experience being in an easy, loving relationship like their peers and friends can,” says Kimberley Quinlan, LMFT, who specializes in OCD and anxiety disorders. “They may struggle with grief, loss, and frustration and wish that the anxiety would go away so they can go back to enjoying their partner without constantly questioning them and scrutinizing every thought they have.” 

Many people with ROCD also deal with a lot of guilt, shame, and self-loathing. “What I didn’t realize until undergoing [OCD treatment] was that I talk so viciously to myself. In my mind, I was the worst person to ever exist in this world,” says Srini R., a NOCD member who has ROCD. 

Luckily, there are strategies for managing ROCD that can free you from the harmful effects of the disorder.

How can you treat ROCD? 

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy is considered the gold-standard treatment for ROCD (and all other forms of OCD). It’s an evidence-based therapy, which in simple terms means that extensive research has been done to prove that it’s successful. This specialized OCD treatment is unlike traditional talk therapy or general cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). And without practicing ERP specifically, it’s very likely that your ROCD will get worse, not better.

In ERP, you’ll be exposed to your triggers in a safe environment, and learn response prevention techniques to resist compulsions. You’ll start with smaller triggers before tackling larger ones. As you do so, you’ll realize over time that compulsions were never necessary and you can live with uncertainty.

Now you’re probably wondering: What, exactly, are ROCD exposures or response prevention techniques? They’re different for everyone and customized for you—but here are a couple of examples. If you’re obsessing over whether your partner loves you, and constantly asking for reassurance, your therapist might suggest writing “I don’t know if we’ll be together forever” in your journal. If your obsession is about whether you’ve chosen the wrong partner, and you compulsively flirt with others to “test” your feelings for your partner, your therapist might recommend watching a romance movie, and acknowledging the anxiety that might get triggered. 

Ibrahim recalls a patient who hadn’t been in a relationship in years due to ROCD. “We set realistic expectations and worked on mindfulness to stay in the moment instead of ruminating,” Ibrahim explains. If the patient started obsessively questioning whether a kiss was “magical,” for example, she would remind herself that she would never know that for sure—and no amount of Googling would change that. With ERP treatment, this patient entered a relationship after years of being alone.
As a NOCD member named Ben puts it, “I went from being depressed, substance-fueled, anxious, afraid, and lonely to living a completely ‘normal” life.’ OCD treatment is a journey, but it can open the door to a healthy, happy relationship you may have never imagined.