In my many years of working alongside people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), I know that they can be some of the most compassionate and considerate people you may ever meet.
Many of them are so preoccupied with attempts at not bothering or upsetting others, that they fail to see the damage that OCD is doing to their well-being, and spend the vast majority of their lives suffering in silence.
OCD affects millions of people worldwide and yet it is also a very hidden condition. It has been said that it’s one of the most well-known, yet most misunderstood illnesses. In other words, most people know the term OCD, but few truly understand the depths of the disorder.
A key characteristic of the condition is that it’s distressing, time-consuming, and can cause feelings of shame and guilt that can impair your ability to function, and may make you want to hide your OCD symptoms. The people I’ve worked with in therapy have described OCD as negatively impacting their relationships, their work, their mental health, their physical health. The list could go on and on.
The emotional burden of OCD
With OCD, you suffer mentally on a profound level, and carry a burden that most will never understand. And in my experience, you can become masterful at concealing your deepest and darkest thoughts. You’ve spent years internalizing them into beliefs about yourself and your identity. When left in the silence of your mind, these thoughts, images, and urges can come to life in the most horrific ways.
When things become unspeakable, shame grows. You might struggle with the belief that thinking something is just as bad as having acted on it. And you may not recognize that the reason your thoughts get stuck and cause such distress is because they go against the values you hold most dear. And the more you keep this all bottled up and don’t talk to someone who understands OCD, the more real and concerning the thoughts can become. The mental exhaustion can feel paralyzing.
How OCD can impact your relationships
Hiding things in any relationship can be tough, but it can be especially difficult to feel like you can’t disclose something so personal, something that can impact so many areas of your life. The secrecy surrounding your obsessions and compulsions can grow distrust, misunderstandings, and frustrations that can build and may ultimately give way to feelings of isolation and alienation.
When you have OCD, it can hinder even your closest relationships. Again, this can be related to shame, guilt, and the overall fear of being rejected by the people you love if you were to open up about your experiences. Doubt and uncertainty within relationships can take hold, leaving both of you feeling insecure.
Getting the help you need
When you hide what you’re struggling with, you could miss important opportunities for support and understanding. By engaging with a professional who is trained in treating OCD, and leaning on your social networks, support groups, friends, and family, you can feel (take a deep breath here) validated. Heard. Cared for. And when you share your experiences with others, you can find hope and recovery.