Sometimes, all you want is for the people closest to you to understand how your brain works, especially when it comes to obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Maybe it’s as simple as having your best friend get why you have to use hand sanitizer as much as you do. Maybe it’s having your partner understand why you constantly seek reassurance and ask if they still love you, even though they’ve done nothing to indicate they don’t.
But it can get overwhelming very quickly, especially when the people you love most don’t really get what you’re talking about, or even worse, make jokes about OCD. It is important that this is a shared experience for many people living with OCD, and while the condition is common, it’s still widely misunderstood.
Your OCD is exactly that: yours. You do not have to share it, and you do not have to disclose it unless you want to. If you’re ready to share your experience with OCD to the people around you, we’ve put together some tips on how to do it.
OCD is a real mental health condition
When discussing OCD, the first step is explaining what it is using basic terms. As Tracie Zinman-Ibrahim, LMFT, CST, and Chief Compliance Officer at NOCD, explains, “OCD just means you have obsessive thoughts about something and that you are doing some sort of compulsion to escape the anxiety.”
OCD just means you have obsessive thoughts about something and that you are doing some sort of compulsion to escape the anxiety.
OCD just means you have obsessive thoughts about something and that you are doing some sort of compulsion to escape the anxiety.
Zinman-Ibrahim went on to emphasize that these obsessions don’t always stop at thoughts. They can also be images, urges, feelings, sensations, or a combination of all of them. For people with OCD, their obsessions create distress, leading to compulsive physical or mental actions in an attempt to find relief. Although the compulsions might offer temporary comfort, they actually keep people stuck trying to chase a quick fix instead of tackling the real issue at hand.
The gold standard treatment for OCD is exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP), which works by gradually exposing you to your triggers and teaching response prevention strategies to cope with your distress. Instead of acting out and performing compulsions, you learn how to deal with your obsessions in a healthier way.
OCD is widely misunderstood
Once you explain what OCD actually is, you can get into some of the harmful stereotypes and misconceptions behind the illness that are not an accurate representation of the disorder. Zinman-Ibrahim points out that before they learn about OCD, most people just assume that “it’s an amazing disorder of neatness and tidiness, and it makes you quirky and cool because you do things in a special way… which is absolutely not true.”
Unfortunately, that is how OCD is usually portrayed in the media. For example, on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Khloe Kardashian claims to have OCD and refers to it as a ‘blessing’ because it helps her keep her house clean. She went on to make a video series called Khloe-C-D where she had cleaning tips and tricks for her fans.
The reality is that OCD is not equivalent to being a “clean freak” or a perfectionist. In fact, people with OCD do not feel happy or fulfilled after acting out on their compulsions, even if it is something like cleaning. They feel distraught and their giving into compulsions creates feelings of shame, fear, and negativity.
Phrases like “I’m a little OCD” are very harmful and stigmatizing to people actually living with the disorder, because it is so much more than having a little quirk or enjoying cleaning. “It’s very painful for people who know they have OCD to hear people smile and laugh about it,” Zinman-Ibrahim shares.
It’s very painful for people who know they have OCD to hear people smile and laugh about it.
Fears about disclosing your OCD to a loved one
It is normal to be afraid of talking about your mental health, even to those closest to you. There’s always the fear of having your loved ones treat you differently or minimize what you’re going through, especially if you feel your struggles are invisible to those around you. Maybe you’re afraid of judgment, and maybe you’re afraid of the stigma surrounding mental illness. What is important to realize, however, is that speaking about your OCD, and how much or how little you share about it is completely your choice.
Zinman-Ibrahim shares a strong personal example that can help you get a better understanding of healthy boundaries. “I’ve been married for twenty years, I’ve been with my partner twenty-two years. We both have OCD; he has no idea what all my thoughts mean… It’s very personal.”
If you do want to share, and you feel ready to, Zinman-Ibrahim suggests, “I’d explain what OCD is and it’s up to you if you want to talk specifically about how it’s showing up for you at the moment.”
4 tips for explaining OCD to someone who doesn’t have it
Even though OCD can be hard to talk about, if sharing your experience is important to you, you can rely on these tips to make conversations easier.
Tip 1: Share resources to help explain
You don’t have to take on all the pressure of explaining the ins and outs of OCD. Zinman-Ibrahim says she likes to tell clients to “… give people some information that’s valid, like an OCD blog.” This way, you can help people educate themselves without having to make it all your responsibility, relieving some of the stress on your end.
If you have Relationship OCD (ROCD) that is affecting your friendships or your intimate relationships but are afraid to speak about it, Ibrahim highly recommends sharing this comprehensive guide with your loved ones. It can be as simple as texting the link and asking them to read it, so you don’t have to feel nervous about talking about it in person.
Tip 2: Address misconceptions head-on
Most people have an idea of what they think OCD is, and that’s usually based around media representation of the disorder. Break down these misconceptions by talking about what your OCD is and is not.
Zinman-Ibrahim pointed out that the severity of OCD is misunderstood. “People don’t know that it’s in the top 10 most debilitating disorders, according to the World Health Organization,” she says. By clarifying that OCD isn’t just about perfectionism, it’s a serious condition involving a wide range of potential fears, people can gain a better understanding of its true severity.
People don’t know that it’s in the top 10 most debilitating disorders, according to the World Health Organization.
Tip 3: Keep it simple
How much detail you go into about your experience with OCD is completely your decision. Don’t feel pressured to share the specifics of your compulsions or fears if you don’t want to. Zinman-Ibrahim emphasizes, “It’s still up to you if you want to share that information. You can just be like, ‘I’m struggling right now with some issues’ and keep it vague.”
Tip 4: Realize people dont have to understand
“You don’t need other people to understand OCD for you to help yourself,” says Zinman-Ibrahim. While it is certainly great if those close to you understand your OCD and what you’re going through, at the end of the day, their support will not affect your power to help yourself. How someone takes on this information is not a reflection of you, your OCD, or your ability to cope with it.
Ibrahim says, “I would say start really small and if your family’s not getting it, that’s okay. You don’t need your family to get it, you just need to get it and you just need to get your own help.”
Bottom line
OCD can feel very isolating, so wanting support and understanding from those closest to you is totally reasonable. This support can be extremely helpful and encourage you to continue to deal with your disorder in hopes of remission. However, it is also important to know there is no right or wrong way to seek this support. It is not your sole responsibility to educate someone about OCD, and it isn’t up to you if they get it or not.
There’s no way to predict how someone is going to take the information you give them, and regardless of how they react, you are still taking a big step in advocating for yourself and your mental health. That’s more than enough cause to celebrate a personal win.